There are no specific rules or commandments for marriage, for wives or for husbands. There is no secret key to make your marriage great. No magic solution. This article won’t be the answer to make your marriage perfect. But if you follow these 10 “commandments” you will be on your way to a better marriage. One that is making strides to becoming a great marriage.
Sometimes when we break down the many things it takes to make something work into smaller chunks, its easier to manage and work on, essentially making it easier to succeed at. Here, we will just list out 10 important things that are manageable to work on for any wife. Just as anything takes work to make it successful, marriage does too.
Here are 10 guidelines to help you make your marriage better!
10 Commandments for a Better Marriage: Wives Edition
1. Learn what Love really means.
So many of us get the word Love confused with a feeling. And for a while, when we are dating, it is a feeling, an emotion. We feel deeply “in-love” and feel like we could do anything. But after that feeling, that emotion, wares off, where does that leave us? Love has to become a verb at that time. It switches over from a feeling to an action. Love is what we do for each other. Love is how we serve our husbands. Love is doing things for him, even if we don’t feel like it. If you don’t already treat that word as a verb in your marriage, it might be time to begin today.
2. Get rid of Jealousy and being possessive.
There is no room for possessiveness or jealousy in a marriage. It does nothing but destroy a relationship. Those two feelings, possessiveness and jealousy, can be strong emotions and feelings. Sometimes hard to get rid of. If you have these feelings towards your husband, think about where those feelings are coming from and why. Sit down and talk to him and let him know why you feel so strongly this way. Many times it stems from lack of confidence in ourselves. I know this, because that was me at one time. I was very insecure and worried that he wouldn’t want me anymore and move onto someone better. With that attitude it actually made things worse. I basically showed him that I didn’t trust him and that hurt him. I had to learn to overcome that insecurity by praying, reading books, talking to my husband and learning to have confidence in myself. It took time. But now, I feel so much better not dealing with those negative emotions.
3. Quit comparing your marriage to others.
When we compare ourselves to others, we compare our worst to their best. We do this with marriage too. We compare another couples marriage and how perfect it seems and how well they treat each other and get along. We only see the best of what their marriage is. Then we compare it to the messy part of our marriage. No marriage is perfect and those that seem to have a better marriage, might, but they had to work to get there. They still have times when things are not-so-good, you just don’t see that. Instead of comparing your marriage to others, find a couple that you can look up too. A couple that has a strong solid marriage that is constantly being improved upon. Get together with them and learn how and what they do to make their marriage good. We all need marriage mentors!
4. Stop trying to change your husband.
Trying to change your husband just doesn’t work. Ask the countless wives that have tried! We were never meant to be the ones to change our husbands, it’s not our job and we’re not good at it. The only person we should ever try to change is ourselves. Read more on accepting your husband as he is.
5. Abandon advice and negativity from parents and relatives.
We all have well-meaning family and friends that think they know what’t best for us and our marriage. Often we take their advice based on what they think they know about our situations, but they usually don’t have all the facts. And many times that information can be harming to the marriage. When we divulge information about a fight or that we are mad at our husbands for something, family and friends can take it the wrong way then have negative feelings toward our husbands, and give advice based on that. If your parents or a relative has a strong marriage that you have always looked up to and you consider them your marriage mentor then it’s ok to talk to them. But be fair when you talk about your situation. Never bad-mouth your man! Talk about the situation instead of him and ask them for an outside perspective. Take into consideration what they say, pray about it and see if any of the information is relative to your needs to make things better. In most cases, just keep the negative stuff between you and your husband, pastor and/or marriage mentor and God of course.
6. Work on having a great marriage instead of a perfect marriage.
There is no “perfect” marriage. Marriage takes a lot of work, has many ups-and-downs. Your marriage will always need work and effort put into it to make it work. Expecting and even trying to have and create a perfect marriage will stress you out and put a strain on your marriage. Take steps to make your marriage better each day. Do small steps, keep it manageable and doable. You want to have success instead of trying to make everything perfect and failing. Read more on Marriage is a Marathon Not a Sprint
7. Discover your husband’s needs and try to meet them.
Taking the time to actually get to know your husband will pay off. We all have needs, physical and emotional, and those needs should always be met. When they are not met, then we feel like we don’t love each other. Read more on His Emotional Needs, Love Languages and Physical Needs.
8. Greet your husband with affection instead of complaints and demands.
Try to change your demeanor when your husband walks in the door from work (or when you walk in the door). Instead of bombarding him with all the negative details of the day, complaints and demands, greet him with a hug and a kiss. He might not be a touchy-feely person, so positive words may mean more to him. Greet him with a thank you and you appreciate him instead of letting him know what he’s done wrong or what you want him to do. If you greet him with a positive response everyday, with love and care, he will be more willing to help you, serve you and respond better to the requests you have for him. Remember, treat others as you wish for them to treat you.
9. Serve him instead of expecting him to do everything for you.
Love is a verb as we talked about in #1, and loving as a verb means serving him. Instead of expecting him to do things for you, focus instead on serving him and doing things for him. This doesn’t mean you are become a slave to him, but serving him with a loving heart. Serving him can include: having dinner ready for him, washing and putting away his clothes, grabbing something for him, going somewhere with him for him, run him a hot bath, and many other things.
10. Pray for your husband and for patience.
It’s amazing what prayer can do. We should always take our marriage before God, he cares most about it and wants it to succeed more than we do. Not only should you be praying for your husband, but also pray for patience, for you to have patience with your husband. Marriage takes a lot of everything, especially patience. Read more on Praying for Your Husband.
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