Just in case you weren’t sure. Men ARE different than us women. They don’t think, act or react as we do. They don’t have the same needs or values. We are similar, but we value our needs differently. Both men and women can agree that that love and admiration is essential, but love is more important to most women and admiration is more important to most men.
When we fail to understand the differences, or that we even have differences, problems arise in our marriages and relationships. We then tend to provide what the other doesn’t really need, and in turn, miss out on the opportunity of making each other happy and fulfilled. We miss the boat on how a back-and-forth relationship works.
Years ago, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale spoke for a group, after he was done, he allowed time for questions. One wife began: “I have tried to make a good home, be a good mother and devoted wife but things have not worked out well. The trouble is that my husband has no put forth equal effort to make our marriage successful.” She mentioned some of his faults, “He neglects the children, spends money foolishly, drinks and is difficult to live with.” Her question to Dr. Peale was, “After twenty-five years of marriage is there any hope that he will change?”
Dr. Peale simply said, “Don’t you know that you should accept a man at face value, and not try to change him?” I would imagine she was shocked at that answer! You may be too.
Point of the story is, if you want a happy marriage, accept your husband at face value and QUIT trying to change him!
What does acceptance mean?
- You accept your husband for the man he is today, with no changes.
- You realize his behavior should be better, and maybe it should be, but this is his responsibility. It’s between him and God, not you.
- You should not consider him weak because he has weaknesses, but that he has human frailties. You should nurture him, not nag him.
- You probably don’t agree with most of his ideas, or none of them at all, but you should allow him to his opinion and his ideas. He does have a right to his viewpoint, just as you do too.
- You may not like or approve of his interests, dreams (or lack there of), allow him freedom to do what he likes. To pursue or not pursue dreams and goals.
In accepting him, you are allowing him to be him. Letting him be who God created him to be, not who you created him to be or are trying to change him into. Remember your vows, for better or worse? Give him some room to grow and change the way God wants him to. If you keep interfering, he will not be able to hear from God, and your husband may resent you for trying to change him. He may not change for the mere fact that he’s rebelling against you and your nonsensical ways of trying to make him change.
Things Women Trying to Change in Their Husband
- Personal habits
- How they spend their time
- Chores and duties
- Social behavior (Let him have friends, and to choose them too. They don’t need to be the husbands of your friends either)
- Desires and dreams
- Manly qualities (Quit trying to change him into a woman!)
- Lack of spending time with children or how he raises the children
- Religion (If you keep pushing it on him, he will never accept)
Why Women Try to Change Their Husbands
- For YOUR own good
- For his own good
No one said marriage would be easy or fun all the time. Learning to accept your husband at face value is not an easy task. It can feel down-right impossible. But you will have to trust in God, trust in your husband, that he is capable of being a man, capable of being a husband and making decisions for himself and the family.
When you’re going through the acceptance phase, have a friend you can trust and turn to if you need to vent. One that won’t judge your husband, but will be there to encourage you and help you through.
Pray! Ask God to help you and keep you quiet when you need to be. To soften your heart towards your husband.
Your husband is a special person, picked out just for you.
He needs you to believe in him and accept him. There are many bullies out there in the world, you shouldn’t be one of them!
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