Do you use the word irresistible when you refer to yourself and to how your husband feels about you? Most that have been married for several years lose that irresistible feeling or being able to accomplish that status again. Many times we begin to use that word when worrying about our husband looking in the other direction at another woman that we think he could never resist.
But why don’t we think we are irresistible anymore? Is it just about the way we look and our weight? Is it about staying fit and doing our makeup everyday? Is it about wearing slinky dresses and high heels?
Let’s look at the word Irresistible first and break down what it really means, then we’ll go into what our husband believes it means, and finally how we can become irresistible again.
DEFINITION OF IRRESISTIBLE
The American Heritage Dictionary: To have an overpowering appeal
Dictionary.com: Lovable, especially calling forth feelings of protective love
Cambridge Dictionary: Impossible to refuse, oppose or avoid because too pleasant, attractive or strong
Opposite of Irresistible: Incompatible, avoidable, escapable, incapable, ineffective, repulsive, weak, resistible
Irresistible doesn’t mean dressing in a provocative way or wearing tons of makeup and walking around all sexy in front of someone. It has a lot deeper meaning than a superficial outward appearance.
Think about these words for a moment:
Feelings of Protective Love.
Impossible to Refuse
All of those sound like a deep and profound intimate love that someone has for you, not about the way you look and dress.
When we are no longer IRRESISTIBLE, we become RESISTIBLE! Yikes! Our husbands, or even others don’t want to be around us. We become:
I’m not sure about you, but I don’t want any of those descriptions associated with me. However! I have been those things, all of them!
WHAT OUR HUSBAND THINK IRRESISTIBLE IS
Is the above definition the same way our husband’s feel about that word? I can’t speak for yours, but in general, I believe most men do feel this way about who and who is not irresistible to them based on that definition.
When you and your husband first meet you are irresistible to each other, it’s only when you begin to not meet each other’s needs that you become incompatible and resistible. What is it he is looking for? What does he need? When does he feel that you are irresistible?
You meet his sexual needs
Do things that he likes to do
Support him at home and work
Show him admiration
Take care of yourself
When you stop meeting his needs, you are no longer irresistible to him. We become incompatible with each other and want to resist each other in every way, in thoughts, feelings and ideas. The marriage gets bad, we become avoidable and ineffective to each other
On the other hand, when you begin to meet his needs again, he just can’t resist you. The love and care comes back between you and you get along again. You are once compatible again. You want to do anything for each other.
How do you get back to that place of being irresistible again? Is it even possible?
It is possible, but you have to want to make a few changes. Not make your husband change, but you yourself make the changes, even if they are small changes.
HOW TO BECOME IRRESISTIBLE AGAIN
The cure for incompatibility is getting serious and meeting each other’s most important needs. If you don’t meet those needs, someone else will, if they are not already.
Now, when it comes how women and men feel about irresistibility as it refers to our spouses, we differ a little. We are each made differently so our needs our different too. How we relate to each other will never be the same. It’s good to be aware of what each side of the marriage seeks.
As women, we have different emotional needs. The following list is usually what we seek from our husbands to meet our emotional needs. If you husband is doing any of these, be sure to recognize them and appreciate him for meeting your needs. If he is not meeting your needs, you need to step back and ask yourself why he isn’t. Maybe he met these needs at one time and you weren’t very receptive or appreciative of them, or you were critical. You may have stopped meeting his needs and therefore he now has no desire to meet yours. Try to get back to the place where you are noticing what he is doing for you and let him know that you appreciate him and admire him.
1. Affection – with words, cards, flowers, gifts and common courtesies. Hugs kissing, creating an environment of affection.
2. Conversation – setting aside time to talk and actually engaging (listening). Not judgmental during this time.
3. Honesty and Openness – He tells you everything about himself, emotions, fears, joys, goals, wants, needs – past, present, future.
4. Financial support – He provide stability and trust.
5. Family Commitment – Commits time to the family and parenting.
Our husband’s needs are usually quite different than ours. Their needs can seem like an annoyance or something we just don’t have time for. But they are important, actually, essential to him.
Below are the 5 essential needs that he needs met for you to become irresistible to him again. No, they aren’t all easy for us to make a switch and start doing them, especially not all at once. Work on one at a time. Talk to him about what he needs and how he wants his needs met. Communication is always key to making a marriage work. We can blindly begin to work on these needs, and have some success. But talking to him, asking and listening to him and his desires will bring you the best results.
If you are not ready to talk to him yet about these things, begin to make small changes yourself to help meet the following needs. When you are ready to talk to him, don’t tell him what you have been doing to fill his needs. He should already notice without you notifying him about your changes. But instead, let him know that you want to help him out and do some things for him. Ask him how you can best do that. Take into consideration what he tells you. Don’t be offended by what he says if it’s not something you wanted to hear. Just log it away and think on it later. It may be something you need to work on.
1. Sexual Fulfillment: Yes ladies, he NEEDS this. It is built into him and it’s not always something he can control, even if he does control this need. If you don’t fill this need, he most likely will get it somewhere else and that is the last thing you want to happen. For more on the importance of this need visit Authentic Intimacy. Their ministry is to help solve the intimate part of marriage.
2. Recreational Companion: He needs and wants you to do things together with him. Sometimes this means doing something you don’t have time for or even like. My husband love Disc Golf. It’s not my favorite activity, but I love spending time with him and doing something he loves to do. I had to learn to set aside my busyness and dislike for something to make him feel loved. He loves when I go with him. He loves teaching me how to play and improve. He loves watching me try. I love making him happy! Read more on being his Recreational Companion.
3. Physical Attractiveness: In our busy lives we can let ourselves go sometimes. It’s easy to do. Who has time to put on makeup, do your hair or even get of out our PJ’s? This may pertain more to those that stay or work at home than a wife that goes off to a job everyday. I’ve been in both situations. Looking at least half-way decent when he came home from work was just one way to respect him. After all, he got up early, dressed for corporate America, was around well dressed women all day. The least I should do is look like I care about myself and care about him enough to take care of me. Read more on taking care of your health and beauty.
4. Domestic Support: He needs you to help him live. He is not incapable of surviving and neither does he need you to be his house slave. But he was not created to be great at domestic things. He was created to provide and protect you. So he needs a little help in this department. Help him by creating a peaceful home, a place that is a haven for him. Somewhere he wants to come to everyday and spend with you. Read more on Creating a Peaceful Home.
5. Admiration – He needs to know that you notice and admire him. He works hard, as I know you do too. And just like you want to be noticed for what you do, he really needs to be admired for what he does. It’s part of his manhood. You want your husband to feel like he provides and protects you. If you shame him or ignore that he has manly qualities and works hard for you, then he will shut you out and move on to someone that can admire him. Read more on Admiring Your Husband.
Discover what the most important emotional needs are for your husband and commit to make a change and meet those needs. This may require talking and asking your husband what his needs are. Be open to him and his needs. Make one small change at a time. Never stop meeting your husband’s needs.
Once that happens you will become irresistible to him again!
Sign up for the 31 Days to a Better Marriage by Email
Subscribe to get our latest content by email.