Did you build your marriage on friendship? I think most couples do. However, there are a few that have fell in love in seconds then a week later, marry. Either way, a friendship needs to be built for a successful relationship, for a happy marriage.
Most of us are in search for happiness, of an abiding love that embraces deep love and friendship.
Who doesn’t want a love grounded in companionship. Having an ally on your side. Becoming life partners with someone you enjoy spending time with?
World-known marriage researcher, John Gottman, said: “Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.” We totally agree!
Building a friendship meets the emotional needs to each other. According to a popular Personality training method, Wired That Way, we each have emotional needs based on our personalities. We need others to help us meet those emotional needs. Our emotional health in important in our overall health and well-being. Depression is a result of emotional needs not being met.
We were blessed with a lifelong partner, a companion, a friend, to be with with. To live with. To have and to hold. Your husband or wife needs you to be there to help fill the emotional needs hole they have in their life. You are there to complete each other, not compete with each other. Complete each other means noticing the needs of the other.
IN friendship, you find those needs. You become friends because you fill a need in each other’s life. You become bonded friends because you continually fill those needs and make each other happy. (Did you notice that, you make EACH OTHER happy, you’re not there to make yourself happy!)
Once in marriage, it’s easy to let the daily tasks and chores of life get in the way of friendship. Life can push friend-time on the back burner. Over the years, couples quit making time to be friends. They just stop being friends. This is a dangerous place to be.
Once you let that happen, you are just living with each other as companions, not friends and not a partnership. Outside of friendship, grumbling, complaints and problems happen and are usually voiced at the drop of a dime.
Creating a friendship in your marriage, creates a safe zone of time when you leave all the life, family and marriage problems at the door. Friend time is fun time, it’s a bonding time, it’s a getting-to-know-each-other time.
Just like investing into your finances is important for your future, you must invest in your marriage. The biggest item you will need to invest is time. Instead of using your time in others places of your life, you need to invest time into your marriage relationship.
There are many ways to invest time into your marriage, for example; taking care of the children, keeping up with the house, working to help with finances, spending time with extended family, chores, vacation and many others.
One of the most important and best places to invest that time is in building your friendship with your spouse. It’s an investment that can’t go wrong.
What does friendship in marriage produce?
- Relaxation from the pressures of life
- Reduction of stress
- Stronger relationships
- A partner that “has your back”
Friends talk about interesting and fun topics, they aren’t worried about solving the latest marriage problem. They learn to enjoy each other’s company and take pleasure in the little things.
What do friends do?
- Dream together
- Do fun things together
- Discuss philosophical issues
- Talk about Beliefs
- Enjoy new experiences together
- Discuss Spiritual impressions
- Ask for prayer requests
- Talk about what draws them closer together, not problems and conflicts.
- Agree to keep conflict out of the friendship and problems off-limits.
This allows and establishes time in your marriage when you can relax from the pressures of life. This is a powerful way to deepen and strengthen the bond of marriage. Building a friendship preserves the bond you have together for the years to come.
Schedule time away each day or each week for friend time. It can be a 20 minute walk in the neighborhood or a planned or unplanned date night.
Bottom line is, it takes effort and willingness to improve your marriage. If you don’t plan out and schedule the time for your marriage, it won’t happen. Your marriage won’t improve magically on it’s own.
You must invest in the time to become friends with your husband or wife. Without this investment, your future will look as bleak as if you lost all of of your money in the stock market.
Don’t be a purposeful victim.
You have control over what investments you want to make in your marriage.
It’s time to invest wisely!
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