Have you ever wondered who in the world you really are? Do you feel lost and just can’t grasp who you’re supposed to be? So many people feel this way. They wander around thinking that most people will never know who they are. And that is a pretty normal way of thinking. Anyways, who can figure anything out in this crazy world anyways, right?
When does all this thinking start? When do we lose our identity, or better yet, did we just never get it? Did our parents not instill the right patterns for us to figure out who we are? And we’re not talking about what we’re going to be when we grow-up, not our career, but who we are, how we relate to others, how we get along and most importantly how we function in this crazy world.
As I sit outside enjoying a beautiful evening at the local coffee shop surrounded by teenagers, I listen to their conversation and can hear it already, they are lost. Their conversations lead me to believe they are trying to gain an identity by showing off their latest story and how extreme it is. By gossiping and judging others to lift theirself up. Sadly, so many of us has been there in that same situation. Doing anything to inflate our ego, to feel important, at any cost.
I don’t think that’s what our intent is, to wander around lost, forever. I do think there are times in our lives that we do need to sit and reflect on who we are and if we are we inline with who we’re supposed to be. But how do you figure that out when it seems that everyone else around you is lost too? Who’s going to guide you?
If you’re parents didn’t know who they were, then chances are, you weren’t taught how to figure out yourself either.
The good thing to know is that it doesn’t matter who you are now, you can still become who you want to be or who you are meant to be.
The question is, where do you begin this journey of figuring you out?
Surely a single blog post isn’t going to solve your identity crisis. You’re right, it’s not. This is just a start, just something to start thinking about and some small steps to figure help you figure a few things out. It will be up to you to learn more and study deeper to get the answers you are seeking. But what I can offer you is a first couple of steps to get you moving in the right direction.
The first step is to identify your personality. Do you know what it is? Are you bouncy and bubbly, stern and serious, detailed and organized or laid-back and quiet? You probably are not all of just one but a combination of a couple.
Learning about your personality will help you to determine what your strengths and weaknesses are (I know, no one wants to admit they have any weaknesses). And once you know that, you can begin working on your weaknesses and building on your strengths.
So many of us have lived for so long in a personality that is not natural to us. We wonder why we struggle in so many daily tasks, why we have so much conflict, not only with others, but more with ourself. We often function in the wrong personality due to trauma in our childhood or even adult life, often living in survival mode. This can happen especially when you have a strong dominant personality and one of your parents have it too. Two dominant personalities cannot operate in one home. One will have to take charge and that is usually the parent, the child will shrink back to a personality that is not natural to them because they have to be able to function in the home.
To try to identify your personality, think back to your childhood (for some of us, this was sooo long ago!). When you were with your friends how did you act. Were you the leader or the follower? Did you just want to sit around and watch what everyone else was doing? Were you the life of the neighborhood, and kept all the fun and activities going? If you can’t think back that far, lol, think about now. How do you act at home, work, school or with your friends?
Next week, we’ll review the strengths and weaknesses of the different personalities. This will help you to identify a little more what your personality is and some things you can do to help you not to struggle so much with yourself.