Gift giving is a great way to show love and appreciation to others. Often in our dating lives, us women, are showered with gifts from our boyfriends and fiancés. After we marry and several years later, those precious gifts can become a source of tension in a marriage.
Who would think, that a gift, something so thoughtful, could carry the weight of marital fights and problems? I see this happen so often, and has happened in my own marriage.
When my husband and I were dating, he loved giving me gifts. His Love Language is gifts, so it’s not surprising. However, my Love Language is not the same. I did love getting all the gifts when we were dating. Like the single roses left on the windshield of my car so that when I left in the morning for class, it was the first thing I would see. Or, the beautiful jewelry he so carefully picked out. There were many gifts.
During our dating years, I didnt think about how he afforded the gifts. I didn’t care, because I liked the attention.
Then… years later, when he still liked to shower me with gifts, my thoughts were, “we can’t afford that!” What is he thinking spending the money on stuff I don’t need?”
Gift giving can become a sore spot, especially if either of you have gifts as your Love Language. Instead of feeling special and loved, you begin to get irritated and mad that he or she is spending money that shouldn’t be spent.
Instead of saying, “Thank you, how nice of you to think of me,” you begin saying things like, “How much did you pay for that?”
“That’s nice, but it was on sale at that other store.”
“I really didn’t need that.”
“That was way too expensive, I never use things that cost that much.”
“That’s not really my favorite color.”
“I don’t think that will look good on me.”
How did we go from being thankful and appreciative to mean and unthoughtful?
Can you imagine… Your birthday is coming soon. Your husband heard you say how much you liked a pair of heels at the department store. He went back and bought you a pair in every color. He’s so proud. He found something you really wanted and is excited to bless you with every color to go with all of your outfits.
He goes to your favorite lingerie store, embarrassed to be shopping there. Unsure of how to find the right thing. Walking around for what seems to be forever. Asking some strange girl for help. He ends up spending an hour or two to try to find the perfect thing for you, something you love and will be excited to have.
He gives it to you proudly, after all, he spent a tremendous effort to find the perfect thing.
The next day you go to return it, or exchange it. The clerk that helped him remembers that certain item and the love and effort the man put into finding it. Only to hear you say, “Look at this silly thing my husband got me.”
Can you feel the heartbreak? Can you imagine the disappointment your husband must feel. If this doesn’t pull at your heartstrings and make you a little sad, then a little compassion may be in order.
I promise, you will not always get the perfect gift that you want. You may receive things that you could never imagine wearing or using. But use it anyways. Wear that shirt once a month when you are with your husband. Hang the picture he got you, even if it’s picture number 20. Serve dinner on the dish he thought you would like.
What’s the big deal if you don’t like? It’s just stuff. And it’s not the stuff that matters. It’s the thought and time and love put into thinking about you! Yes. THINKING ABOUT YOU!
Don’t be cruel and give him unjust behavior.
Love and appreciate your man, not the gift!
How to Love the Man and Not the Gift
- Appreciate his effort and sacrifice, whether it was time or money.
- Consider yourself blessed if you have a husband that thinks of you when he’s at the store. When he says to himself, “Boy, would my wife like that.”
- If you haven’t received a gift in sometime, it’s most likely because you have complained and not appreciated what he’s bought you in the past. And honestly if this is you, should he bother getting you anything else?
- Say, “Thank you, you are so thoughtful. I appreciate you thinking of me.”
- Use the gift. You don’t have to use it or wear it all the time. Just show your appreciation. Show your husband that you love him.
The most important thing to remember is, if you want a happy marriage, a happy life, then you will have to do things to make it that way. A negative and unappreciative outlook and attitude will never get you to happy. It’s not up to your husband to make you happy. You are the only one that can accomplish this.