Femininity. What is it? Is it ok to be feminine? Why would any woman want to be feminine? These are all common questions today. The idea of being womanly and feminine is being challenged on a daily basis. Not only challenged, but some women that choose to be feminine are being berated, put down and chastised by other women. But why? Why is being feminine a bad thing?
I personally don’t think it is. Not now anyways. At one time, I have to admit, I thought it was a weakness to be feminine. That was because I didn’t understand what it meant. Or that it had great value and worth to be feminine. In my early married years, I thought it was best to “wear the pants” in the family. To be strong, in charge, the leader, demanding, fearless, aggressive, almost manly in a sense. I thought like many other women have thought. Being feminine means being weak and inferior.
Can I just say; I was wrong!
In one of my favorite books, Fascinating Womanhood, it defines femininity as this:
“Femininity is a gentle, tender quality found in a woman’s appearance, manner, and nature. A feminine woman gives the impression of softness, and delicateness. She has a spirit of sweet submission, and a dependency upon men for their care and protection. Nothing about her appears masculine – no male aggressiveness, competence, efficiency, fearlessness, strength or the ability to kill her own snakes.”
In my early twenties, hearing the part about “sweet submission and a dependency upon men…” threw me into a tizzy and made me want to compete with every man around, to show them, I am stronger! Not many men liked me for they didn’t want to or see the need to compete with me. Quite frankly, it was a huge turn-off.
I felt this way, because I was raised during a generation that was taught that, we as women, need to take care of ourselves and not depend on anyone else. That way we’re not disappointed when someone makes a mistake or doesn’t live up to our expectations. It was a sad way for me to live. It didn’t make me happy and I didn’t win over many friends.
Truly, I wanted to be taken care of. I wanted someone to protect me. I wanted to submit to the care of a man that would fight to the ends of the earth for me. I wanted my husband to be the provider and protector of our family.
Femininity has a great appeal to men. They were created to be the provider and protector of you and your family. When you fight them on this realm, you are essentialy taking everything that they were created for away from them. It’s no wonder, men don’t know what to do anymore and don’t want to be in relationships. They don’t see the purpose. They are losing their value as men and providers.
Restoring Your Marriage
If you want your marriage to move into the next step of restoration, you may have to step back from your masculine role and let your husband take the lead. I know this is not an easy task. It took me many, many years to figure this out, learn how to be feminine again, and enjoy him taking care of me.
Today, I feel like a princess. I feel loved. It’s a great feeling knowing that I have a man that will do anything for me. That will fight for me. Stand up for me. Bend over backwards to make me happy. He provides and protects for me and my family.
So is it ok for you to be feminine? Can you let your husband take over the role of being the provider and protector? Being the man in your family? Will it be worth it to save your marriage?
When you allow yourself to be feminine you allow your husband’s feelings of tenderness and romance to emerge. He will be happy to enjoy feeling masculine again, like a warrior. He will feel his purpose is coming back. That he has value and true worth!
What Does it Mean to be Feminine?
“The feminine woman is naturally oriented towards her womanhood. She is proud to be a woman and happy to fill her destiny as a wife and mother, anxious to make a happy home for her loved ones. Her career is a career in the home. Her occupation is to live her daily life. Her glory is the esteem of her husband and the happiness of her children.” –Fascinating Womanhood
This description can be hard to take in. I think there was a time when it was much easier to fulfill this role completely. Today, we live in a time where often both husband and wife need to work outside the home. And the stress of a woman having a job, raising children and keeping a house is a huge challenge and a recipe for disaster and stress. (I know this, because that was me!) I couldn’t be superwoman. It just didn’t work for me. Maybe you can do it, but our marriage and family suffered because of it.
If you are able, sit down with your husband and come up with a plan that you can alleviate your work outside of the home (if you desire). Often we have over extended ourselves with a big house, nice cars and endless clothes. Can any of that be downsized to allow you to reduce your hours or job completely. This is something for you to decide together. Decide what’s most important in your life and what you really want. If you are trying to restore your marriage, then something has to change, you just have to decide what it will be.
3 Areas to be Feminine
Characteristics of a feminine woman is that she pays attention to her appearance. Not her looks, and worrying about looking like the supermodel on the cover of the latest magazine. She takes the time, even if only briefly, to take care of her hair, face and clothing. There’s no need to spend countless hours trying to look perfect. We’re not going for perfect, just a feminine appearance. Proverbs 31 is an excellent example of a wife that not only takes care of her family but of herself too.
In our busy lives, dresses don’t always fit in. But your husband loves when you dress girly! Pull out one of your old dresses and do your hair, for no other reason than to do it for your husband. Watch his reaction! Do your hair a little more than your regular look on a normal basis. Wear a few accessories from time to time. Add a little sparkle to you.
A feminine appearance often brings out favorable responses from our husbands. Not many would complain about you looking more feminine!
I used to walk like there was no tomorrow. My personality is one of getting things done and getting them done now. You can often tell by the way I walk. It’s a stern, fast almost masculine way. I had to learn to tone it down. To slow downing not to frown when I do things (it’s my natural look, eeks).
I had to learn to use softer motions, to quiet my voice and not sound so demanding. I had to learn to quit acting like a guy. For some reason, I thought if I acted like them, they would like me more and I would fit into their club. It didn’t work out quite like that. And really, I didn’t like trying to be one of the guys!
The feminine nature tends to awaken a man’s chivalry for her. It’s a nature of softness, tendnerness, delicateness, trustful, adaptability and fearfulness (not in a bad way). None of these characteristics means that you are a worthless and weak women. By contrast it makes you a strong beautiful woman of God!
Characteristics of the Feminine Nature:
- Weakness: A soft and delicate nature compared to a man’s strong and firm one. (Not weakness in a negative way, just softness)
- Submissiveness: Trustful and adaptive to her husband. Looks to him for leadership for the family.
- Dependence: The need for his care and protection.
- Tenderness: Tender-hearted for the helpless and innocent. Sympathizes with those that need help.
- Fearfulness: It’s ok to be afraid of a spider or snake! Or to be nervous flying or sailing. It’s ok to let your husband protect you and keep you safe.
8 Steps on How to become Feminine:
- Take on a Feminine Attitude: Get rid of masculine thinking. Take on the roles of being feminine and womanly. Let your husband know that you need him and wouldn’t want to face this world alone. Put aside any bossiness, control and commands. Acquire a spirit of sweet submission.
- Get Rid of Guy Work: Make a list of all the things your husband can do, that you really don’t need to do. Things like; yard work, paying bills, keeping the books, painting, house repairs and such. Once you decide which things you would like to stop doing, talk to your husband and ask him to take over those tasks.
- Stuck with Guy Work: If you are trying to get rid of work your husband should be doing, but he just won’t take it over. Do it in as much of a feminine manner as you can. Don’t try to do it with a masculine mad attitude. Show him that you need masculine assistance to compete these tasks. Let him come to your rescue.
- Be Submissive: This is not a bad word!! Submissive means to submit to a higher authority. You most likely already do this in your job, your church or your group activities. Now it’s time to submit to your husband and allow him to provide and protect you. Allow him to make decisions and guide the family.
- Fearful Protection: Allow him to protect you from the little things, like bugs, that make you want to jump on a chair and scream! Let him know that in the face of danger you need his masculine protection (even if it’s just for a spider!).
- Allow Tenderness: Don’t hold back the tears (something I still work on today!), allow him to see your tender heart and feelings. Let him be there to hold you up and support you. He wants to care for you.
- Don’t Try to be Better Than Him: Competing with him doesn’t win you any points. I understand you may be better at something than him, but what does it prove to show it off to him? Instead of trying to outdo him, work with him. Work together. Or stop the activity that you are trying to compete for.
- Care and Protection: Let him show off his chivalry! Allow him to open doors for you, to help you up if you fell, to open a tight lid. Let him use his strength to help you.
“The human side of a woman fascinates, amuses, captivates, and enchants a man. It arouses a desire to protect and shelter.”
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