When all other things are running smoothly in a marriage, then the loving part comes a bit easier. When there is strife, anger, resentment, unforgiveness and dislike, it’s pretty tough to want to be in the mood for any kind of love, romance or sex.
Sure, you can still get what you both need without having everything else working well, but it’s usually a short-lived emotion and minor satisfaction and a big miss out on God’s big picture of marriage.
When couples miss out on the true beauty of oneness, there can be complications to the sexual part of the relationship. Both partners can experience the inability to perform and respond to each other. This can be physical or emotional performance. It can lead to lack of sexual interest or the lack of confidence in feeling sexy (more on the wives part).
If things are going smoothly in your everyday relationship, you might not have too many problems in the bedroom department. But things can get a little mundane or feel task oriented after many years of marriage. It’s up to us women to keep things exciting for our men. We want them coming back, TO US, for more.
Men don’t always know how to spice things up, sometimes they don’t even care. But not in a bad way, not in the way of they don’t care for you, just in a way that if it involves sex, then anything is good enough for them. However, if we initiate the spiciness to the bedroom or wherever, they are excited to play along and love the creativity you have come up with, just for them. They feel extra special and get that warm fuzzy feeling.
Sex is something they need, when we add our special little touches to it, not only are they getting what they need, but they are getting something they want! When a need and want are put together for him there is no stopping him from giving back to you in more ways than you can imagine.
Sowing and reaping applies here too. This should always be done with a loving heart though, not as a way to get something in return. Not something to ever use against them in the future saying, “well I did this for you, what are you going to do for me.” Sex is part of your oneness with him. This is something that brings you together, not apart or for manipulation. Stay away from using him for your wants. Thats very dangerous ground!
The first steps to becoming his Spicing up Your Married Life is to understand the relationship you have with your husband. A few things need to be done in order to get to the good stuff.
You must forgive and forget the past. If you keep holding on to past mistakes and hurts, you won’t be able to surrender yourself to your husband.
You can’t let go of yourself into his care unless you trust him. Forget about the reasons he’s given you to not trust him. Be innocent and gullible. Believe him. Trust him.
Release yourself from being in charge and running the household all the time. Surrender that role to him. Let him take lead and care for you to relieve some stress from your day.
This is especially important in the bedroom! Talk to him. Tell him what you are thinking. What you are worried about or scared about. Tell him what you like and ask him what he likes. Being able to communicate about this freely does take time and surrender.
5. Be Available
This one can be tough as we are often busy. But being available is putting aside that busyness for your husband, for the most important person in the world to you! Sure, don’t do anything that will be harmful to other things in your life or putting your children in an unsafe situation.
You may think that if you are available to him all the time that he will take advantage of that and want to have sex every waking moment. In reality, that is most often not true. Sure he may be so excited that you are readily available to him, and get as much as he can, but after a week or so, it will slow down. Believe it or not, he will get a bit worn out. Once his needs are met, they are met. Yes they need sex, probably more than we do, but chances are, it’s not every single day of their entire life. The sex pace will taper off.
SPICE IT UP
Be Aggressive B-E-AGGRESSIVE
Most husbands long for their wives to be more aggressive and the ones to go after them. I know this from reading a ton of stuff and personal experience. You don’t have to be aggressive all the time, but if you try 20-40% of the time, you will put a big smile on his face and in his heart!
There are many ways to take the initiative. And each husband responds differently. Take a little time to notice him and some of his responses to television, other couples or things you do. Men are physically designed to respond to sight, so anything that is visually appealing to him would be exciting for him.
- Back massage when you notice he needs one
- Give him a manicure
- Halloween surprise costume
- Plan a kid-free date night at home
- Initiate romance
- Touch him
If you’ve been married for a while, you might have forgotten how to be creative. Think back to your early years with your husband, when you were still in that “in-love” stage. Most of you couldn’t be creative enough! *blush* Rekindle some of that fun you used to have. The spontaneity. It’s funny, when you start thinking of these creative possibilities, you start to reignite that fire in your emotions for him.
- Find him in the bedroom and lock that door!!
- Create a hideaway at home.
- Make your bedroom an exotic clutter-free place. This is your private domain, no kids allowed!
- Invite him home for lunch.
- Meet him somewhere “safe” for lunch.
- Candle light dinner for two
- Strip poker, strip monopoly, strip anything!
- Full body massage
- Ambush him!
- Weekend getaway that you secretly plan, even if in the same town you live in.
- Travel with him for a work trip.
- Whisper sweet little somethings into his ear then lead him into the bedroom.
- Buy something you would never buy at the lingerie store.
There are a zillion different ways to be a Spicy Lover. It takes knowing what you like, what your husband likes and a little creativeness. The more you are creative, the more creative you will think!
Spice it Up and Have some Fun!
Great Resources for Spicing up Your Marriage:
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