Do you remember the days of dating your husband? Maybe it wasn’t too long ago, but for some of us, it may have been ten to twenty years ago or even more. I remember when he would take me out on a date, I would make myself up the best I could and wear my favorite outfit. I not only wanted to impress him, but wanted to look good for him. I wanted him to have all eyes on me, and not to notice any other girls around. I really liked him.
Yes, you may think I was being conceited, but some of the reason I did those things is because I had many self-image issues (that’s a whole other story). I can’t change the past, it’s what I did and why I did it. It wasn’t until I got to know him better, and realized that he liked me for me, that I calmed down a little with the worry of looking above and beyond what was needed. I never stopped taking care of myself to look presentable, but just took it down a notch.
I know many other women have done the same thing. It’s a ritual that has not ended and keeps going on. You can still see it anytime you see a young couple.
A Little History…
There is nothing wrong with it. While dating we wanted to look our best. In the Bible during Esther’s time, the women that were chosen for King Xerxes were bathed in beauty for months before they could be presented to him. They were entirely thrilled to be doing this beauty routine, in hopes they would be the one chosen to be Queen. In Proverbs, a wife of noble character dresses in fine linen and purple gowns, she greatly enriches her husband’s life. The women of the Bible took care of theirselves.
Taking care of ourselves, in the beauty realm, has gone back in time for thousands of years. Impressing our men is something, I believe, we will always do. At least in the “dating years”.
Did you get that part? In the dating years.
Have you noticed that after the wedding, so many of us decide that we are no longer in the race to win our man, so there is not much of a need to pretty ourselves up anymore.
Are you guilty of that? I know I was from time-to-time.
What is the use of keeping up with that task, that chore? We already won him over, he’s ours!
There is so much benefit to still keeping up with taking care of yourself outwardly and inwardly.
Play this scenario in your head:
You get married to the man of your dreams. He loves you dearly, thinks you are the most beautiful human being on Earth. Life takes over, he goes to work and you become a stay-at-home mom. Maybe there is children, maybe not. He gets ready every morning, showering, shaving, dressing for work, looking his best, every day, day-after-day, months on end, for the rest of his life.
He gets to work, sees everyone else that has put just as much effort as he has to look good for work. Sometimes dressed to impress. Especially the women in the office.
He comes home after a long day and looks forward to seeing you. He walks in the door and you greet him with your still morning breath and hair, sporting your latest pj’s. He doesn’t notice this too much at first, he’s just excited to be back home with you.
Over time though, he wonders why you have changed so much with your appearance and your self care. All of a sudden those women at work are looking pretty good and must care about theirselves because of all the effort they put into looking good each day.
He may not even realize it but his eyes start to wander, he really starts to notice those women and maybe one in particular. He never meant to have eyes for anyone else, but his wife back at home doesn’t seem to care about herself anymore, her appearance isn’t that important to her. She doesn’t care to dress to impress him anymore.
I know, I hear you stay-at-home moms and wives saying, I’ve got so much work to do. The kids. The chores. The errands. I know you are busy. I know some days are just impossible to even get a cup of coffee.
You have to realize that the women that are going to work may have children and a home to take care of too. Possibly a husband to care for but they still have to find the time to take care of their appearance.
By you taking care of your appearance and making an effort to look at least half way put together honors your husband. He loves the way you look. He loves your natural beauty. If he didn’t he would have never chosen you. Men are very visual beings!
Does this mean you should go buy a new wardrobe, wear the latest fashion and put makeup on? NO. This means simply put on cleans clothes that don’t look like you slept in them. Fix your hair, wash your face, brush your teeth, shower if you can get it in before he gets home (with small children, you may have to wait until night time, that’s ok). Show him he is worth the effort of taking care of you.
There were times that I was so busy during the day that I forgot to get dressed in regular clothes. I would hear the garage door open and know he was home. I ran into my closet, put something on super fast, put my hair up, brushed my teeth, put a little powder foundation on and barely made it to greet him at the door. I laugh at myself when I do this (sometimes still today). He almost always knew that I just did that! And he would say that I didn’t have to. But he appreciated me doing that for him! Even if it was a last minute thing, it was one way of showing my respect for him.
There are days, I really do myself up. I want to look better than the women he runs into all day long. I want to feel like I look beautiful for him. For me, that is putting together a nice outfit, doing my hair and makeup. That doesn’t have to be for you, but that’s what makes me feel good.
Don’t Set Unrealistic Expectations
Don’t set unrealistic expectations for yourself in this department. Do what you can, just do something. There will be days, and plenty of them, that you won’t make it out of your pj’s. Do your best to not make that a daily habit. When your children are older, it will be easier to find the time. If you let yourself get in the habit of thinking you don’t need to get dressed for him, or just never found the time, it’s time to make a change.
Many women think their men don’t care about this. They really make theirselves believe this. Then those same women wonder why their man fell for another women. This is not to say that a man will cheat for only this reason. But if you are not willing to take care of your self, health or beauty, you may not be taking care of your marriage or your husband in many other ways either.
Take care and treat with respect what God has given you. That includes yourself and others around you.
Friend, you are truly blessed with so much. Don’t take advantage of those blessings and let them slip away.
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