You say you want your marriage to change. You say you want things to be better. You say you are willing to work on it. That’s great, saying all the right stuff, but are you actually thinking the right stuff?
Maybe you are saying you want to change your relationship, but inside you are thinking the complete opposite. You wish things would change, but you ponder how terrible your spouse is. You dwell on how he or she will never change and that you are stuck in your circumstances. Maybe you think secretly or even openly, they aren’t even worth the effort of trying to make your marriage better. You believe that your spouse doesn’t care anyways, therefore there is no use in trying to make a change.
Are these your thoughts?
Guess what if they are, then you are setting yourself up for complete failure!
With doubtful thinking and even doubtful words you are harming any chance that there is for restoring your marriage. When we focus on the negative aspects of another person or a relationship that we’re in, it’s hard to find what is good and to work on making the relationship better. Why? Because you have programmed yourself to think negatively about that person on a continual basis, even if they have done something good.
Have you ever known a child to get really down on their self? They say, “I just can’t,” or, “it won’t work,” with those words they feel so defeated and it’s sad to see them that way. Most parents try to turn around those words and help them to be encouraged. We teach them to not say, “ I can’t,” but instead say “I can.” We try to reprogram their thinking. Why do we do this? Because we know that they can accomplish the task that is before them. They just need the positive influence and encouragement to feel it inside.
Same thing goes with us adults, especially in our marriages. You may be saying or thinking, “I just can’t make this marriage work,” but I’m here to encourage you and cheer you on saying it can work, it can get better.
You just have change your thinking!
Joyce Meyer has written an excellent book just on this subject called Battlefield of the Mind. It doesn’t necessarily pertain to just marriage, but your whole life. The battle going on in our heads is real. It can also be a real problem. When we have negative thoughts running through and through, it’s hard to find the good in anything.
Do you know anyone like that? Someone that is negative all the time. Everything they say is just so terrible or depressing. You wonder how they function when it seems to them that their world is horrible. Maybe their situation is terrible, but they don’t even want to find a way out of it.
The Battlefield of the Mind goes into great detail about the fight going on in our heads. Get this book! It’s a life-changer.
In the meantime, until you get this book AND read it there are a few other things you can do.
You need to reprogram your mind. You need to start thinking good thoughts, even if the world around you seems to be falling apart. I have a secret for you. The world around us is falling apart. Things will be tough from time-to-time. Life can be hard. We all have to go through it. BUT, you have the choice to live in it negatively or positively. It really is up to you. And my view on this is, if life is going to be tough anyways, why bog myself down with depressive thoughts and a terrible outlook on life.
I feel much better, even during the hard times, when I can think good of others. When I can laugh, even if at myself.
Honestly, I’d rather think good things of my husband than bad things. I want to believe the best of him. Why? Because I want him to think the best of me. I want him to be able to take care of me and my family. I depend on him, because I want to. And it feels nice to have a partner in this crazy world.
God blessed me with him for a reason! I don’t think God wants me to dwell and focus on my husband’s faults (as I don’t want him to focus on mine). He didn’t send me this great guy so I can find out what’s wrong with him! Ladies!!! Find the good. There is good. You just have to be willing to make a change with your thoughts and perspective on him to find the good.
HOW TO CHANGE YOUR MIND
1) Starting off, you don’t have to find something huge that is good about him. Seek out the little things. There are many. For instance…
- He works
- He has helped out somewhere in the house
- He has helped you with the children, no matter how little the task
- He was nice to a neighbor or coworker
- He helps out his parents
- He turned off the tv before bed
- He reminded you that you needed something from the grocery store
- He let the dog out or back in
- He took your car to get the oil changed
- He listened to you talk about nothing
The little things.
The things that seem insignificant. They are important.
2) Tell him what you appreciate. Let him know you are thankful for him just being him. Talk to him, give him a compliment. Yes, this means you have to say it out loud!
3) Each day, find something new. Give him a compliment each day. This process of seeking and speaking will help you to reprogram your mind.
Does doing this exercise excuse some of the wrongs that have happened? No. But we’re trying to make a little change here, a start… a new beginning.
To start new, you have to think new.
To change your marriage you must begin with your thoughts!
Here are great Scriptures to back up why good thinking is important!
Where the mind goes, the man follows – Proverbs 23:7
A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. – Luke 6:45
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Ephesians 4:29
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